Untitled Site 1

Getting an Ex-boyfriend Back

If you have just broken up with your boyfriend feeling lonely and sorry for yourself, stop feeling that way right now. There is no virtue or benefit in wallowing in self-pity. You should also resist the temptation to contact him by sending cards, letters, text messages or gifts at least for a few weeks. Furthermore, you will never get your ex-boyfriend back this way. That’s because men are not moved emotionally as much as women are, so all your efforts aimed at explaining your feelings and trying to touch his feelings are pretty much wasted.

What you should do is get a hold of yourself and calm down. For the next few weeks that you’re apart, focus on yourself rather than him. What you need to do is to develop yourself into the woman he cannot live without. And the way to do that is by being able to meet his emotional needs better than any other woman can.

Although I said that men are not as easily moved emotionally as compared to women, it does not mean that men have no emotional needs. It’s just that they do not express their emotions well, neither do they feel it as strongly as women do. ‘Emotional needs’ is different from ‘emotional feelings’. It’s your ex-boyfriend’s emotional needs that you need to learn how to meet.

Now a man’s emotional needs differ from that of a woman’s. A man’s greatest emotional need is for respect. So to get your ex-boyfriend back, you need to figure out how to give him the respect that he craves. Respect may be a rather esoteric thing so let me explain how to do it in a practical way. You show respect by your words and actions of admiration, commendation, congratulations, applause, affirmation, honor and encouragement. If you are not the type that lavishes praise outwardly, do something about yourself. The best thing you can do to get your ex-boyfriend back is to praise him in as many ways as possible. I’m not advocating flattery, although a little bit of sincere flattery is good also; neither am I saying that you must lie through your teeth. But I’m saying you must show by your words and actions that you are his no. 1 fan.

So the most important thing to do is transform yourself into someone who freely expresses praise to others. Start with those closest to you like your own family members or close friends. They may think you’re suddenly acting different, but just keep going because in time everyone will accept that you have changed. Everyone deserves to be praised, affirmed, encouraged or commended about something at some time. Train yourself to be on the lookout for something good to say or do to someone that will make them feel good. “I like your dress,” “You did really well,” “You’re looking good today,” “I wish I could _________ like you,” “That hairstyle really brings out the best in your looks,” “You’re so clever, I would have never thought of that,” “Congratulations! You’re the best,” the list is never ending.

Once you’ve got this habit down pat, use it on your ex-boyfriend. Just make sure it’s done sincerely. But do it as often as you can. If you are always the first to say or do something that shows how much you admire and respect your ex-boyfriend, he will see you as above everyone else. Believe me, this works because you are putting him ahead of your own interests and every man responds to that.

Now in order to ultimately get your ex-boyfriend back, you have got to meet up with him sooner or later. By now, a few weeks would have passed since your breakup. It would be too forward of you as the woman to ask your ex for a date outright. So you need to ask him to meet up but do it in such a way as though it is his idea or ask to meet him to get his help or opinion about something. Guys fall for this every time. That’s because every guy wants to feel superior. They want to be the one asking for the date or the one having all the answers. So think of something you can ask his opinion on. Perhaps a financial decision? Guys are generally better at numbers than gals. So think about your ex-boyfriend’s area of expertise and find some way to get him to help you out in that area. That will be an excuse to meet up he will not refuse. While he’s giving you his pearls of wisdom on the matter, don’t forget to lavish your admiration (sincerely) again.

If you play your cards right, you will gradually win back the heart of your ex-boyfriend. When the time is right, you can discuss deeper issues like your relationship with him. By that time, he will see you as his no. 1 fan and will gladly go back to you. Mission accomplished!

How to Get Back with Your Ex-girlfriend

Getting back with your ex-girlfriend is a matter of using the right tactics and approach. Most guys who do it wrong do not understand the female psyche. When I broke up with my ex more than a year ago, I was devastated. Sharon was my college sweetheart, the love of my life. Like most guys in my position, I was desperate to get her back. I kept on phoning her, and when that didn’t work, I left messages in her voicemail and sent text messages. Wrong move. That clearly did not move her at all.

So the next thing I did was buy her gifts or send her flowers with notes to say how sorry I was and give her the assurance that I would change etc. Big mistake. I knew I was hitting the wall when she returned the final gift I sent her. I got so desperate that I talked to my older sister about it, something that I never dreamed I would do, since my sister and I weren’t close. But when the chips are down, you would try anything. Fortunately my sister didn’t ignore me or laugh away my predicament. I guess blood is thicker than water.

She listened as I explained that I couldn’t get Sharon to respond to me no matter what I did. Then in her typical straightforward style, she told me to stop acting like a wimp. She said no woman worth her salt would be attracted to a wimp. So the first thing she told me to do was to shape up. When I looked at myself, I realized that she was right. I was a mess. I had not eaten well and hardly slept a wink for the past week or so since I broke up with Sharon.

Under instructions from my sister, I started my new regime. A good breakfast every morning, plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables in my diet, 8 glasses of water and a half hour of jogging a day were the routine. For the first 5 days it was torture. I loved my Big Macs and Coke but I had to say no to them. But after awhile, it became bearable and even enjoyable. The result was I lost 12 pounds in a little more than 2 weeks. I was lean and fit, the color had returned to my cheeks and I felt great. At the same time, I had a lot of time to think. Losing Sharon made me never take anything for granted anymore. I couldn’t afford to be unkind, impatient or selfish any longer. I learned to be more sensitive and helpful, kind and courteous.

The next thing my sister told me to do was to buy some new clothes and start making new friends or catch up with those I haven’t seen for a long time. But how was that going to bring Sharon back to me? “A woman will always desire what is hard to get,” my sister explained. So if I show that other people find me friendly and attractive, I make myself more desirable.

So I bought some new clothes and changed the way I looked. I even went for a new hairstyle. I must admit, I thought I didn’t look half bad. That gave me a sense of confidence I never felt before. The next thing I did was to create an occasion to bring together some old friends. I decided to organize a college reunion at the newest bar in town. I called up my best friend from college and we organized it together. And of course, we invited Sharon.

The day came and we had a great time. For the first time in almost 3 months, I talked to Sharon face-to-face albeit briefly. She admitted she was surprised to see my new look. I just smiled and thanked her for noticing. We chatted about casual things, nothing serious. But just seeing her again made me feel good.

Over the next few months, I stayed in touch with Sharon. On the few times we met up, I made it a point to do something fun and enjoyable. I didn’t want to bring up anything to do with commitment or relationship and neither did she. It was only after about ten months when I felt she had noticed the changes in me and she was ready to talk about ‘us’ that I brought up the subject. By that time, she was receptive. I started by apologizing for my mistakes without making any excuses or blaming her for anything.

Thankfully, things went well between us from that time onwards. Today, a year and a half later, Sharon and I are back together again and we have never been happier.

How to Get Your Ex Back

Take it from someone who has ‘been there, done that’, getting your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back takes a combination of patience and the right approach. You need patience because it’s not going to happen right away. And you need the right approach because every guy or girl responds to only a certain set of words and actions and gets turned off by anything else.

Here are some things that will turn your ex off and drive him or her further away from you:

Begging and pleading
Crying and sobbing
Constant contacting
Showing up everywhere your ex is
Trying to make him or her jealous
Giving gifts to try to make up
Promising you’ll change
Forgetting the past and ‘pick up where we left off’

These actions make you appear like a wimp and no one is attracted to a wimp. Instead, the first thing to do is to calm down and bring your emotions under control. Then tell your ex that you agree with him or her about breaking up. That’s right. Tell your ex that breaking up is the best thing for the both of you right now. This way, you will appear in control and not wimpy. You will also be able to maintain your friendship with your ex (crucial to win him or her back).

Now take a few weeks to evaluate the break up, especially what you did to contribute to it. Look for causes, not symptoms. Constant arguing, disagreements, falling out of love etc are symptoms of a deeper cause. The causes are connected to your attitudes. Whether it is pride, selfishness, insecurity, impatience, bad temperedness, lust, greed, laziness, dishonesty etc the important thing is to identify what bad character issues you have that contributed to the breakup.

In identifying your own character faults, you can start to change. It takes at least 3 weeks of constant action to undo a bad habit so whatever your character faults are, do the opposite everyday for at least 3 weeks. At the same time, make some changes to yourself physically as well. Changing the way you look or dress, getting in shape, making some new friends or meeting up with old ones, taking up a new interest etc are all things you can do to change. The idea is to bring out the best in yourself.

Only after you feel you have changed should you contact your ex again. But make it casual. Don’t come straight out and ask for a heavy date. That might be too threatening if your ex is not ready for it. Try to find an occasion to meet up, even if it is with other friends around – a party, get-together, a celebration, a picnic, an outing, a trip etc. Just make it light and fun. If your ex is willing to meet up with you one-to-one, it’s even better. Still, make the occasion something enjoyable. Do not talk about any serious matters like what happened in the past, your relationship with each other etc. The thing you are trying to do now is to rebuild your relationship by having some good times you can remember in future.

If you have a few of these occasions, your ex will notice the changes in you. Then you can talk to him or her about more serious things. If there are unresolved issues, now would be a good time to apologize or set things right. Tell your ex about how you have changed and make it a point to show it. With patience and time, old wounds will heal and your relationship will mend. Then you can discuss getting back together again.

How To Get My Ex Back